Once upon a time … I challenged God

Have you ever done something in a moment when you lacked comprehension, or indeed a sense of how profound the action you were taking was? The type of thing you look back on and go, what on earth was I thinking? Once upon (an ignorant) time, I confess to doing this. Not long after I gave my life to Jesus and became a born again Christian, I issued a challenge to God. I asked Him to show me what He can do.

Yes, I did. What’s more, I was very serious about it - I meant every word. Sat in my bedroom hands lifted high up to heaven, I cried out to God and said “Lord, here I am. Now I’ve given my life to you. I have tried this thing called life not as a born again Christian but as a woman who has a knowledge of you and the fact that you exist. I have always prayed to you, listened to your servants preach, enjoyed worship music but I have done all this without wearing the robe of salvation. Now that I have given my life to you today, show me what you can do, Oh God. Show me what you can do!” I repeated that line over and over again. As I’ve said, I really meant it. Little did I know what I had triggered in the spirit realm. Honestly, now that I look back on it, I ask myself - what was running through your mind? Like are you actually OK at all?

Let me give it a bit of context here. I had NO CLUE who God was in the real sense of walking with the father. Granted, I knew He existed and I believed He was real. However I lacked understanding. I did not realise that as born again Christians, we have the gift of the Holy Spirit; our teacher, our guide, our helper. I did not know then that God could speak to me. Or rather, I thought He could only speak to pastors and people deep in faith. So every time I had a prayer request, whilst I wrote it down faithfully, I neither expected a response nor did it ever cross my mind that I could hear back from God. I believed I had left my prayers in the ether somewhere and if it was His will, it would be done.

How was I to know then that He is the great God of Heaven’s Armies, Jehovah Tsidkenu the God of righteousness? Jehovah Jireh our provider, Jehovah Nissi the Lord our banner. Even typing this I am coming to the realisation that the many Names of God alone deserves its own stand-alone post. How could I have known then that I would find Him if I searched , truly sought Him with all my heart. That I would find Him in the Word - the Bible, a living sword. It had lain on my bedside table for years and yet … I had no clue! The depth of revelation, the transformation. That living instrument, a guide to life and peace. How could I have known that the Kingdom of God is within us and in our midst and that I would begin to see it all around me? To connect the dots? How could I have known that the Holy Spirit would enter my heart and make a cosy home there? Speak to me clearly; direct my path? In the moment I issued the challenge, I never could have imagined what God was about to do. I had no clue the roller coaster ride I was about to embark on.

So let me tell you what He did do. It really is a whiplash-inducing sequence of events. First, He gave me revelation. I tell the story of how one afternoon as I enjoyed a little siesta, I one of my favourite women of God preaching and a scripture flashing in my dream. It’s hard to describe how I saw it; like a massive PowerPoint or scroll hanging atop a landscape with scripture flashing by. This particular one was highlighted bold. When I woke up, I recalled what I had seen and read the verse. To be honest I was very sure there was no such book as Zephaniah in the bible but I flipped through just to be sure ; that shows how little I knew at the time. Zephaniah 2: 7 : The seacoast will belong to the remnant of the House of Judah, on which they shall graze, and in the houses of Ashkelon they shall lie down at evening. For the Lord their God will be mindful of them and restore their fortunes.” I still remember how terribly excited I was that afternoon. I thought it was the first time God had ever spoken to me (clearly it wasn’t although I just hadn’t recognised His voice in the past). Delighted, I said to my sister “I’m so happy God is finally speaking to me!” God says what may seem like one thing, but which in reality is many messages wrapped in one. Indeed one thing God has spoken, two things I have heard. It is up to us to seek the meaning behind it. Every scriptural revelation is multi-layered, and over the next few weeks, He used this same scripture to birth a charity foundation through me. I remember being quite shocked at what was coming out of my mouth as I announced my intentions to my family. I was even more shocked by the speed with which I implemented it! I now understand He had given me my first assignment in rapid time - as though He had just been waiting for me!

Next I heard a message to be intentional. I heard in my spirit that I should be intentional in everything I watch and consume for the next year. I asked myself as I wrote down in my journal, “Are you telling me that if I’m intentional over the next year and fill myself with the things of God, the things of the spirit, what’s inside me won’t come out of me?” I meant that in the sense of glowing from the inside out. Little did I realise that actually, God was about to use my intentionality as a platform to introduce me to myself! For me, being intentional meant cutting off all celebrity blogs, weaning myself off certain news sites and eventually, before I realised it, I had stopped listening to certain genres of music. I went cold Turkey on Netflix, stopped wasting away my weekends on the couch and began to use that time on purpose, filling it with projects like the charity foundation. I invested in myself, signed up to mentoring programmes to understand this walk of faith, not knowing that in doing so, I was on the way to unlocking other parts of my destiny and bringing forth the woman in me. Wives-in-waiting and-making, it is no longer up for discussion : coaching and mentoring programmes are absolutely key! You don’t know what and how much you don’t know until you learn it! You need to engage in these type of programmes, as a good coach or mentor will take you to a place you have never been able to get to by yourself. You will experience something transformational. Was it an investment? Yes, it took financial manoeuvring. Was it worth it? Absolutely! One mentor said to me, “Don’t be fixated right now by the number. Think of your ability to create! You are your biggest investment.“ It was really not a sales pitch; how true those words have proven to be. In all honesty, whatever I sowed into those programmes I have received tenfold in spiritual terms, and am now on the brink of reaping a massive harvest in material terms.

Then God began to teach me; gave me illumination. Remember all these events were unfolding simultaneously, in real time. I will never forget the day I sat bolt upright in my bed in the middle of the night saying “ 1st Corinthians chapter 12 verse 13.” I had fallen asleep with the lights on so I immediately grabbed my Bible and read the verse. “Some of us are Jews, some are gentiles, some are slaves and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one spirit, and we all share the same spirit.” I can’t say I was greatly inspired by what I read in that moment as in all honesty, I didn’t really get it. I was far more enticed by the thought that I had one of the delightful spiritual gifts listed in 1st Corinthians chapter 12! It was only over the next few days as I went through various spiritual gifts Bible plans that I understood that when you become born again, you receive the Holy Spirit. I still recall how my jaw hit the floor as that particular light bulb went off.

Next, God began to stir up my gifts. He awakened in me the desire to write again, a gift which had lain dormant for so long I had almost forgotten I had it. I never did imagine I would ever find a way to express myself through writing in my adult life, but following the Holy spirit’s guidance, I took one step and then another and here we are today. God also stirred up my spiritual gifts. The Holy spirit began to highlight the ones towards which I have a propensity. To put it more accurately, I badgered the gates of heaven as I found myself inexplicably drawn towards certain gifts I had never imagined lay in me. Now I know there are various arguments around whether all the spiritual gifts are available to every believer. I’m not here to hop on that argument today as I can only speak as things unfolded from my perspective. All I know is I felt a great pull towards specific ones and the more I sought things out, the greater the confirmation I received. Before I knew it, I’d found my tribe and started the path on a crazily exciting journey that is still unfolding.

I was still reeling in shock from all these things that were being unveiled and unlocked, revealed before my very eyes. Please note, this was exactly 3 months after I had given my life to Jesus. He was not taking His time at all! I had issued a challenge had I not? He was showing me what He can do, just as I had asked. Let me tell you ladies, by this time I had developed a very real, very healthy fear of the Lord. By this time I was questioning the wisdom in asking God to show me what He can do. I had moments of just cringing and positively trembling inwardly at my audacity! Not that I ever felt He minded but as I came to know Him more and more, I kept asking myself, who am I to ask such a question?! I really felt like Job who questioned the ways of the father only for God to ask him (see Job 38) “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?”

Anyway He wasn’t done with me for the year. My father, in His infinite kindness then spoke to me through His prophetess. Now I had never in my life received a prophetic word before then. On the day this happened, I went in expecting to hear about my spiritual gifts, giddy at the thought that this was going to be confirmed by my Father today. But that is not how God works, I soon came to learn. One, He speaks to us to reveal what He wants us to know in that season in His own time, not according to our human schedule. Two, He Himself had already revealed that particular gift to me, encouraging me to seek to develop it but most importantly to cocoon it within the higher way of love. So why would He use this golden opportunity to repeat what He had already said a number of times? As prophetess Abigail spoke, she revealed I have a business anointing in my life. Whether I’m in business or I am going to start a business, she said, I would know the right deals to be made and the right people to partner with. As she made the comment about starting a business I recall shaking my head in confusion, surely not me! Through her, God went on to reveal many other things including the revelation that I have an additional spiritual gift I was not aware of! Over the coming weeks, I began to ask God - am I going to start a business? The concept was just so foreign in my mind, honestly, to say it had never even entered the realms of my imagination would be an understatement. Even as I asked the question, I confess I felt quite disbelieving! Three months later, I was standing on the brink of launching an incredibly viable business concept. Not only had He told me where I was going, our father had sent my helpers and with great clarity downloaded the blueprint to me in a dream, way before I ever realised the direction the business was heading in!

Whiplash inducing, isn’t it? This all happened in a space of 6 months. 6 months my people, 6 months! How could I ever have known on the day I challenged God to show me what He can do? I often say I feel as though destiny came calling. About two months before I gave my life to Jesus, I began to hear in my spirit the words ‘Purpose’ and ‘Destiny.’ I know this will resonate with some of you ladies. I have no idea where it came from, all I know is I clipped out lovely images of these words and put them up on my phones as my wats app profile pictures. For some of you ladies, you may be experiencing a restlessness in your spirit but you don’t know what it means. You’re just restless. Or perhaps you feel like you are experiencing a paradigm shift. I recall telling my sister and my best friend, something has shifted. I could feel it, I could sense it. For whatever reason, before all these beautiful things began to unfold I said one day, “this restlessness means things are about to change.” How prophetic that has turned out to be. In retrospect, I can now say I realise heaven was waiting. Waiting for it to be done on earth as it is in heaven. In fact in one of the dreams God gave me concerning the business, the same great woman of God who appeared in my Zephaniah revelation video-called me and asked with a great sense of urgency, “Where are you? We are waiting for you!” I saw her clear as day. Now I’m not suggesting I was called to be a pastor, no. What I am saying is I got the impression God had been waiting for me.

Ladies, heaven is waiting . Waiting for us to realise who we are in the Kingdom, where we fit in, how God our father sees us. I once heard someone say, sometimes God is bragging to the heavens about you, and the angels are looking at Him confused because you look nothing like what God is saying! How sad. So today I encourage you daughters of the Most High. Seek our Father, seek Him and do so truly. This rapid type of unlocking only begins in a place of koinonia - in communion and closeness with God. Only He can show us who we are - after all, He created us! How could I ever have known I carried these things in me ? Do you know what you carry? Are you aware there are destinies linked to yours? Perhaps if you realised that you would give things a bit more weight. Do you know that God is waiting for the manifestation of whatever gifts and abilities He placed in you, for the purpose of furthering His Kingdom?

I leave you with the beautiful words in Matthew 7:7. “Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened to you.” Step out in faith and ask God to show you who you are today. Maybe you’re like Job, bold enough to challenge Him. If you are, ask Him to show you what He can do. Or perhaps you’re like Jacob, who in Genesis 32 : 22 to 30 wrestled with God and lived to tell the tale. Audaciously he said, “I will not let you go until you bless me!”

It’s up to you what approach you follow. All I will say is once you ask, be prepared for the whirlwind ride ahead!